Gems June Newsletter 2026

Gems Early Learning Newsletter - June 2026

‍By Carrie Lindsay

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There is no 'right age' when it comes to toilet learning, and from experience, trying to 'train' a child before they are ready can often take a lot longer and be more difficult for both the tamaiti and the whānau. Every child develops on a different timeline, just as they learn to roll, crawl and walk at different times, they also develop an understanding of toileting and the awareness of their bodily functions at different times too.

At Gems we prefer to use the term "toilet learning" rather than "toilet training". This aligns with our respectful philosophy and acknowledges the learning that takes place as a child learns about their body, and how to pay attention to its cues. It also helps remind us as kaiako and whānau that this is a process and our children will get there in their ā tōna-wā, in their own time.

From our experience as kaiako, toileting is an area we want to strive not to build anxiety around. In order to support your child with toilet learning, first we need to look at the 'mini-milestones' they need to achieve before they master independent toileting.

This includes beginning by recognising that they have done a wee or poo and that sensation of wetness, to then recognising when they are doing a wee or poo, and then recognising before they need to do a wee or poo. From there, our tamariki need to physically be able to hold on until they get to the toilet, and then consciously release their bladder and bowel at the right time.

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Ways to support your child to begin the process of toilet learning

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• Encourage your tamaiti to dress and undress themselves without assistance. Wearing easy-to-pull-up pants can help with this. You can begin by encouraging them to help pull up their pants each time they get changed.
• Support them to be able to climb up onto the toilet with or without a step. This requires significant balance.
• Help them build the ability to stay on the toilet for long enough to try and wee or poo.
• Support them to develop the coordination to reach and use toilet paper (this can take some time, and they will often require support with this for some time).
• We need to support our children to listen to their tinana (body) and begin to understand what their body is telling them.

A huge part of toilet learning that is often overlooked is that tamariki need to feel ready to let go of a situation they are used to and comfortable with. For their whole lives up until now, they have used a nappy to wee and poo, and it can feel like a huge change to suddenly go in the toilet. Prior to children beginning to use the toilet, you may notice them demonstrating an increased interest in their parents or siblings going to the toilet. This is your child's way of developing working theories around this learning and helping to make sense of their world.

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Some cues to look for in your child that may indicate they are ready to begin toilet learning

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• Your child's nappy is dry for an extended period, or they are weeing more but less often, which indicates that they are developing increased bladder control.
• They indicate that they want to be involved in the process of nappy changing. You can offer them a flannel or wipe so they can assist in cleaning themselves, and pull on their nappy themselves.
• Before nappy changes, you can ask them if they have wee or poo in their nappy. Give them the time they need to think about it and build connections between the different feelings in their nappy.
• Offer the toilet or potty when you're changing a nappy, but ensure that this is asked in a low-pressure way. At Gems we have a children's toilet in our nappy changing room, so it is easy for us to offer the toilet at nappy change times.
• We believe in offering choice, so once your child is starting to use the wharepaku (toilet), you can offer undies or nappies. If they would like nappies, simply agree and offer again next time.
• We try not to offer sticker charts or other rewards for going to the toilet, as we prefer for children to feel intrinsically motivated to learn. Just remember that they will get there ā tōna-wā (at their own time).
• Don't be disappointed if they have an accident. Accidents are a normal part of learning, and it is important to maintain a low-pressure environment to prevent children from holding onto poos or wees, which can have detrimental effects on their health.

And just remember, we are all a team working together on the same page to support your child in their learning. Please feel free to chat to us at any time about how it is going for you, and ask any questions you may have.

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