What Feeding My Toddler Is Teaching Me About Food, Control, and Curiosity

Gems Early Learning Newsletter — March 2026

If you had asked me before becoming a mum what feeding a toddler looked like, I probably would have imagined them always eating the same as us, nutritious homemade baking, and the occasional picky day.

The reality? Some days my three year old eats everything in sight. Other days he survives on plain pasta and a blueberry.

Like many parents, I've realised that feeding a child under five isn't just about nutrition. It's about navigating independence, curiosity, and very strong opinions about toast being "cut wrong".

Toddlers Are Still Learning How to Eat

Young children are still developing their relationship with food. Their appetites change quickly, they're learning to listen to their bodies, and they're discovering new tastes and textures.

Research shows that the early years are incredibly important for shaping children's eating habits. The foods children are exposed to in the first few years of life can influence their preferences well into later childhood.

What I find reassuring is that eating patterns during toddlerhood can also be inconsistent — which means those "he didn't eat dinner" nights are actually quite normal.

Vegetables, Patience, and Repetition

One of the biggest surprises for me has been how long it can take for toddlers to accept certain foods.

According to research from the University of Auckland, many young children in Aotearoa aren't eating enough fruit and vegetables. Around 61% of two-year-olds were not meeting vegetable intake recommendations. This doesn't mean parents aren't trying. It often just reflects the reality that toddlers are naturally cautious about new foods.

Experts say children may need to see a food 10–15 times before accepting it. That statistic alone has helped me breathe a little easier when the broccoli I served with mild delusion gets pushed aside again.

The World of Processed Snacks

Research from the University of Otago found that nearly half of the energy intake of young New Zealand children comes from ultra-processed foods. These include things like flavoured yoghurts, cereals, crackers, and snack bars. While many are marketed for young children, they often contain higher levels of sugar, salt, and additives than fresh foods.

For many families this simply reflects real life. Convenience, busy schedules, cost, and the unpredictable nature of toddlers all play a role. Rest assured, our Gems kitchens are there to take a load off your mind and have nutritious menus specifically designed for our young tamariki.

Seeking Control and Connection

One of the most helpful things I've learned is that toddlers often resist food because they are seeking independence. As parents it is our role to decide when a meal is offered, where it's offered, and what's on the plate — but we can't make our kids eat.

Kai time has slowly become less about "getting enough food in" and more about connection. It's where we sit together, talk about our day, and explore new foods without pressure. For toddlers, eating is a social experience as much as a nutritional one. And sometimes the best thing we can do is simply make food feel relaxed, positive, and familiar.

What works for us:

• Play the long game. The goal isn't a clean plate — it's raising kids who trust their bodies.
• Give them a sense of control. "Is there anything we could do to make you feel more comfortable about eating this?" Maybe they'd like help with cutlery, smaller pieces, or a dipping sauce on the side.
• Get them involved. Ask if they can help prepare the meal by chopping the veges — they might surprise you and start eating along the way.
• Offer at least one preferred food they enjoy most of the time. For our boy, that's avocado.
• Affirm how they feel, but hold the boundary. "You don't like this today, huh... that's ok. I know it's hard. Remember, mum/dad choose what's on the menu and you choose what parts you eat."
• Leave the meal out. Sometimes they come back to it!

What we don't do:

• Bribery or rewards
• Pressure
• Shame
• Write off a food forever
• Offer backup meals (except on the odd occasion — we're human too)