Toddler Wellbeing - Rachael Carty

Being a toddler is hard at the best of times. They thrive on the predictability of routines and rituals, of being close to their 'people' (all the many mixtures of family, friends, and caregivers they have a close connection to) and of attempting to gain more and more independence in their daily lives. When this is suddenly pulled away from them, and the days roll around differently to normal, (everyone is suddenly at home, there's no going to preschool, no seeing friends, Grandparents, or those who aren't in their household), it can be stressful times for our wee tamariki.

Adults may have the idea that our youngest are carefree at times like this, not understanding or having the weight of all that is going on on their young shoulders. But it is important to remember that children learn through their relationships with others and the environment around them. Meaning, (I have seen quite a few posts from ECE experts about this recently), they're definitely NOT oblivious to all this. Young children are absorbing and downloading every little piece of information out there in the environment around them, forming connections in their brains (neural pathways) at an incredible rate. It therefore important to make sure these connections being made are those of feeling safe and secure, of connection to others, rather than feelings of uncertainty or confusion. I thought I would share some tips I read recently (thank you Helen Armstrong) that I felt may be beneficial in helping our wee toddlers (and you the parents!) through these testing times.

1. Self regulate to co-regulate.

Your child’s ability to be regulated, literally depends on yours. If you are calm and centred (even though you might not feel it) when you talk to them, handle them, interact with them… they have a hope of being calm and centred too. If we respond to their big feelings, with our own big feelings, we are breeding chaos in their lives and therefore, in our homes. It's ok to step away for a moment and remember this before you react if you need to. Be realistic and honest with yourself about your needs, limits and triggers.

2. Be mindful of what you feed their minds.

As much as possible, keep children away from unnecessary drama. They don’t need to see and hear media reports, adult conversations etc.

3. Be honest - but keep it simple.

Please, please don’t pretend that nothing is going on and hope your child doesn’t notice. They noticed weeks ago. If you are in an attuned relationship with a young child, they are feeling right along with you. The best way to have these conversations, is in the most authentic way possible, as situations pop up. You don’t need to over complicate things, but you can be honest in a way that is developmentally appropriate.

Some examples:

“It feels a little different right now. I know, it feels different for me too. I will be with you and keep you safe”

“We are staying home a lot right now to make sure we all stay healthy, we will be together”

"I'll need to go to the supermarket by myself this time, no children are going right now. You get to stay home with [Daddy / Mummy], he really wanted to wave to me at the window, see you there!"

4. Acknowledge, validate, relate.

In tense and stressful times, we tend to be less patient, speak more harshly and not have as much tolerance. Remember, if you are feeling stressed, chances are your child is too. The difference, is that they cannot rationalise these feelings or filter them through logic and reason. The best thing to do is to firstly acknowledge the feelings you think could be behind the behaviour.

For example:

“You are so upset, you really wanted to visit the park with Jack.”

Then, validate those feelings

“I know, it's so hard isn’t it, you love spending time with Jack”

Then, show that you can understand and relate to those feelings

“I really wish we could go too! We will be able to see him soon. He's at home with his Dad right now too!”

Then you can always offer an alternative

“I was thinking we could make pictures for Jack, we could even mail them to him when we are done”

Over the coming weeks (and already) there might be some challenging and unsettling behaviour from your little people. Their world has changed dramatically and suddenly and they are trying to make sense of that. Try to keep a simple, predictable and consistent daily rhythm (remember young children have little concept of time so rely on the predictable routines of their day for understanding). Don’t worry too much about what toys or activities they need - connecting with them and involving them in day to day things can be fun too (helping in the garden, or baking, making breakfast etc) and watch the magic unfold with some simple pots and pans and a bucket or two of water. Get outside and look for flowers, dig for worms, lie on the grass and watch the clouds, go for a walk and collect natural objects (stones, twigs - anything can become a 'treasure'). Have a toy clear out or put some away to rotate out in a week or two, keeping things fresh and new seeming (too many choices can make it hard for our little ones to choose what to do). Have a cupboard clear out - so many potential treasures here too!

This is the perfect time for us all to slow down, to connect with our loved ones (I for one have been FaceTiming my Mum and Dad, sisters, and brother daily!) and to just be. And remember, a child is almost never “giving you a hard time” they are almost always “having a hard time”.

(https://www.facebook.com/helenarmstrongece/posts/4220058834674671?__tn__=K-R)