Tips for those tricky Drop Offs - Settling back into Gems - Rachael Carty
It is well known that our under 5’s struggle with times of change; whether it is a change in their usual routine, transitioning from play to mealtimes, or from home to centre, all have the potential for less than ideal outcomes (think meltdown). This unprecedented time of transition, from weeks of home life with one another back to ‘the usual’ routine of work and days spent at school or Gems, will be challenging for everyone (adults included!).
We gain comfort from the familiar and known, and the unknown next step of a new transition can create feelings of anxiety. And this is especially true in our youngest who don’t yet have the capacity in their developing brains to understand time like we do, to be resilient and flexible, to regulate or deal with their emotions. Young children live in the present moment with little thought for the future, they rely on us the adults to help them through transitional periods and times of change.
With settling in (or coming back to Gems after time off) there are usually three main scenarios of how drop-offs may go….
1. Some children may fit right back into Gems life – they are happy to see and play with their friends again, drop-offs are easy.
2. Others may start out like this and after a few days of success, things change and the tears and not wanting you to leave starts. This is a normal part of transitions and doesn’t mean anything bad has happened over their time back, more the novelty of being back has worn off and they’ve realised you’re leaving.
3. The hardest to handle of all are the loud, emotional, not-wanting-you-to-leave-at-all transitional experiences. They break your heart and leave you feeling just as emotional.
Here are a few tips which may help with re-settling back into Gems life and handling those tricky drop-offs:
Start talking to them and reminding them about their Gem’s day routines – eg. how you all get up earlier, Mum/Dad going back to work after dropping them off, etc. Discuss what has changed during this time and remind them of what it will be going back to. Try and keep it positive “I’m looking forward to how much fun you’ll have again at Gems”. Maybe look through some of their old Educa stories together and talk to them about the teachers and children in them and all the fun things they get to do at Gems.
However, drop-offs go try and keep the morning and drop off routine the same at every drop-off – this consistency will eventually allow them to know it’s ok and you will come back. This helps lessen any feelings of anxiety that can come with the change of being back.
One of the main pointers for all types of drop-offs (and it’s not an easy one for the type 2 and 3 mentioned earlier) is once you’ve decided to leave, leave. It is harder for them if you come back and forth to them as this only leads to confusion for them. Also, if they see you upset/flustered – it gives them the impression that actually this isn’t a good place to be if Mum/Dad is upset too. We will be there to support you and your child through all of this, and it is perfectly normal to get emotional during these times (for all involved!). Trying to remain calm during these times of upset is important as it shows them your confidence in their day ahead and leaving them with us.
Give them choices “would you like to wave at the window or have one last cuddle?” this gives them a sense of empowerment of the situation.
Never just ‘sneak out’ as this can give them a fright once they realise you’ve gone and can actually increase feelings of anxiety about coming back and trusting that you won’t just disappear on them again. Say your goodbyes/do your goodbye routine and then leave. Trust us to be able to support and help your child through their big emotions about you leaving. We will do our utmost to update you later in the day once they’re settled, especially if it’s been an unusually hard drop off. They may not want you to leave (which is normal and understandable, especially after just spending so much time at home with you!) but 9 times out of 10 the tears do not last long once you’ve left and they’re soon happily engaged in play, a book with their favourite teacher, or all manner of other activities. They may prefer to stick close to their favourite teacher, to begin with, this is also normal until they feel reconnected to the environment and everyone/thing in it again.
Update us about anything new – does your child have new interests that could help us with re-settling them into Gems? Has anything changed with their routines (eg. sleep amount/time; bottles; toileting etc). All this information will help the day run much smoother as so much can change in a few weeks, especially with our infants and toddlers.
They may want their favourite teddy or comforter for a while (even if they haven’t seemed to need it for a while). This is totally normal and is their way of bringing a bit of ‘home’ with them, their connection to you. These can be important for helping the child feel settled, less anxious, and when they are ready to play and interact with others they will usually give it to a teacher or put it back in their bag.
Reflect with them at the end of the day “I know you got really upset this morning, but I hear you had lots of fun doing….and see, I came back just like I said I would”. Also, talk to them about their friends and teachers and how their day went – things might not be quite the same and it is always better to talk over such things than not.
Above all, this is a challenging time for everyone. Once they have re-connected with their friends, their primary caregiver and other teachers, and feel that sense of belonging once again, drop off’s should become a bit easier. We will work closely with you to help ease them (and you) back into the Gem’s life.